Friday 30 April 2010

PARAGUAY

THEY ARE:
A South American nation with a historical rivalry with Bolivia, indeed beef with most other South American countries. In 2008 they held the worlds biggest ever barbecue featuring 30,000 people. For the win!

AS A FOOTBALL NATION:
This is the eighth finals appearance for Paraguay. Over the course of those tournaments they have seldom done anything making it out of the group stage three times. Their shirts look like those of a barbershop group.

MY OWN EXPERIENCE:
We had to play them at Mexico 1986 and then we had to play them again in 2006. We beat them both times. I was a fan of Henry Rollins lookalike Jose Luis Chilavert and his scoring exploits as a goalkeeper.

IN 2010:
Group F is widely expect to go to Italy and with New Zealand not expected to ruffle any feathers it is looking as if it is between Paraguay and Slovakia to take second spot in the group. Traditionally Paraguay has tended to fill this role on to get eliminated at the first hurdle once beyond the group stage. They have Roque Santa Cruz of Manchester City amongst their forwards. In qualification they defeated Argentina 1-0.

FAMOUS PLAYERS:
Chilavert and the huge medal that he used to place in the back of his goal for good luck.

MOST OBVIOUS REFERENCE:
Red and white shirts.

AWAY FROM FOOTBALL:
Lots of stuff, its just that I don’t know any of it.

NUMBER OF PEOPLE FROM PARAGUAY THAT I KNOW:
None.

QUOTE FROM A PARAGUAYAN:
Not coming.

DO I LIKE THEM:
I have to admit to being indifferent.

FINAL COMMENT:
Have a fine time.

Thursday 29 April 2010

NORTH KOREA

THEY ARE:
The scary communist country from Asia in blue. This country is a genuine mystery being under a cloak of curiosity for the rest of the world. Bill Clinton went there recently but he didn’t get to see many sights.

AS A FOOTBALL NATION:
Also known as the DPR Korea Football Association much like their home nation they are flooded with mystery. A few days before the competition it has been shown that they cannot actually afford their practice facilities so they have been training in a local gym next to grunting hard bodies. Maybe this is the Rocky tactic, maybe the Korean Apollo Creed is taking them back to the streets. Word also is that their third choice goalkeeper is actually a striker. The fiends! There only other appearance in the World Cup finals was in 1966 where they shocked Italy by beating them 1-0.

MY OWN EXPERIENCE:
I have no previous experience of North Korea.

IN 2010:
Unfortunately Korea DPR is expected to be the whipping boys of the group of death Group G. Having to play Brazil, Portugal and the Ivory Coast is not ideal for a nation playing in their first World Cup finals since 1966.

FAMOUS PLAYERS:
They have no famous players.

MOST OBVIOUS REFERENCE:
Kim Jong-Il.

AWAY FROM FOOTBALL:
It’s all about Kim Jong-Il who apparently has the world’s largest movie collection (I believe on VHS). Unfortunately he himself is most famous for his puppet interpretation in Team America.

NUMBER OF PEOPLE FROM NORTH KOREA THAT I KNOW:
Are you kidding?

QUOTE FROM A NORTH KOREAN:
Not realistic.

DO I LIKE THEM:
I more pity them. Their games hold promise for lots of goals.

FINAL COMMENT:
Chill out.

Tuesday 27 April 2010

NIGERIA

THEY ARE:
Nigeria is another one of those African nations that holds something of a mystery and intrigue for Westerners.

AS A FOOTBALL NATION:
They have provided some exciting moments in past World Cups. In 1994 and 1998 they made it through the group stage into the knock out rounds in exciting fashion taking over from Cameroon as the top African football nation.

MY OWN EXPERIENCE:
In 2002 I was sitting accountancy exams and with the World Cup being in Asia the games was being played in the morning and when England played them I was sat in a car park outside an exam hall in Chelmsford listening to various car stereos all booming out the same match. Before the game was over it was time to go in for the exam before emerging three hours later to the reality that Nigeria had held England to a 0-0 draw.

IN 2010:
As in 1994 they are in a group with Argentina again (Group B). After a flat African Cup Of Nations they are not expected to fly but at the same time neither are Greece or South Korea who fill out the group. It is not beyond the realm possibility for them to progress to the knock out stage.

FAMOUS PLAYERS:
Daniel Amokachi was the name of the 90s side. Circa now they have the Everton pairing of Yobo and Yakubu in addition to veteran Kanu and the comedically named Danny Shittu.

MOST OBVIOUS REFERENCE:
These days it is all those scam emails. One day one of them will pay off for me.

AWAY FROM FOOTBALL:
In a fact stolen straight out of the Guardian World Cup guide Nigeria is the most populous country on the African continent with every fifth African being Nigerian.

NUMBER OF PEOPLE FROM NIGERIA THAT I KNOW:
None until the next email.

QUOTE FROM A NIGERIAN:
Not coming.

DO I LIKE THEM:
Yes I do, the side from the nineties conjures up dynamic memories and the hope they may recapture that form.

FINAL COMMENT:
Nigeria helps confirm my belief that any team that plays in green is a good team.

Monday 26 April 2010

NEW ZEALAND

THEY ARE:
The land from down under. No, not that one, this is the other one. The one that is green and full of sheep.

AS A FOOTBALL NATION:
This is only the second time that they have qualified for the World Cup finals having had quite an easy route on the way. Their only other appearance in the finals was at Spain 82 where they lost all three of their matches and conceded twelve goals in the process.

MY OWN EXPERIENCE:
There are a couple of names that I recognize on the team sheet but I don’t think I have ever seen a match featuring the nation ever before. That said suddenly there is something of an interest for the team around me as to my right all the locals are interested in the exploits of Tommy Smith from Ipswich Town playing in the team while to my left in London there is plenty of interest for former AFC Wimbledon striker Shane Smeltz.

IN 2010:
It is expected that they will be wrestling it out with North Korea for the wooden spoon of the tournament.

FAMOUS PLAYERS:
Rory Fallon (from Plymouth Argyle!) and Chris Killen are recognizable names from the English leagues.

MOST OBVIOUS REFERENCE:
These days it is Flight Of The Conchords. The old obvious reference was previously wrestling heroes The Bushwhackers.

AWAY FROM FOOTBALL:
Its all about sheep, fresh air and greenery. Realistically their sport is rugby and their team the All Blacks are genuine world beaters (thus this team is called the “All Whites”).

NUMBER OF PEOPLE FROM NEW ZEALAND THAT I KNOW:
I don’t know any New Zealanders but I do know a couple that moved to and now live there.

QUOTE FROM A NEW ZEALANDER:
Not happening.

DO I LIKE THEM:
Every tournament I rightly or wrongly harbor a strong affection for any English speaking nation and/or former stronghold of the empire.

FINAL COMMENT:
Go Kiwis!

Sunday 25 April 2010

HOLLAND

THEY ARE:
Often regarded as the most liberal and relaxed nation in Europe. With their lax laws on drugs and vice the perception is that the play is one den of sin. Of course this is just Amsterdam.

AS A FOOTBALL NATION:
The Netherlands are arguably the best footballing nation to have never won the World Cup. Described as “Total Football” their team in West Germany 1974 is considered one of the most skillful and exciting lineups in soccer history.

MY OWN EXPERIENCE:
They smashed the shit out of England and the rest of Europe at the 1988 European Championships which was a gesture repeatedly domestically at the time by PSV Eindhoven. These were wounds it took years to heel but with hindsight that was one hell of team. Their rivalry with Germany has always been something special and occasionally very disgusting not least for incident between Frank Rijkaard and Rudi Voller at Italia 90 that literally saw a flob of spit hanging from Voller’s being.

IN 2010:
They have been very impressive in the run up to the tournament. On paper their squad is not one of their best ever but there are some sparkling players in the squad including Van Persie and Robben. They are in Group E which was initially my group of death on paper before it dawned on me that these are all nations that have seen better times. Still it is a potentially very exciting and entertaining set of sides although ultimately the Dutch should experience little problem/trouble in getting through the group stage.

FAMOUS PLAYERS:
Johan Cruyff through to Ruud Gullit. The late eighties team was a fantastic team with Marco Van Basten upfront being wickedly serviced by Gullit and Frank Rijkaard as Ronald Koeman (who I have been told I look like) was as solid as it got in defense and angry Hans Van Breukelen kept goal. In recent years Ruud Van Nistelrooy wowed for Manchester United and in Arjen Robben there is a player that certain people (often Chelsea fans) will proclaim as greatness. Lower down the list is Romeo Zondervan of Ipswich Town who infamously got his teammate Ulrech Wilson deported when he asked him to return with a stash of skinflicks and stroke mags. This is why Holland is a nation that can only be embraced.

MOST OBVIOUS REFERENCE:
Edan and Amsterdam.

AWAY FROM FOOTBALL:
The bright orange of their shirts feels representative of the bright orange of their national demeanor. Holland is an X-rated adult nation in the best possible sense with a strong sense of fun attached to proceedings.

NUMBER OF PEOPLE FROM HOLLAND THAT I KNOW:
Sadly none but I need to know one.

QUOTE FROM A DUTCHMAN:
Unfortunately not coming.

DO I LIKE THEM:
Yes I do.

FINAL COMMENT:
A day with a Holland game is generally going to be a good day for football.

Saturday 24 April 2010

MEXICO

THEY ARE:
They are a country that has the misfortune to border the USA. It does however have Tijuana which is regarded as party central.

AS A FOOTBALL NATION:
They have staged the World Cup twice in their history (1970 and 1986). With regards to play football they have never really posed much problem on the world circuit. In 1990 they were banned from the tournament for field ineligible players so there is a slightly shady side to their reputation.

MY OWN EXPERIENCE:
The first Mexican national team I ever encountered was the one with Hugo Sanchez in. He made them amazing and was genuinely at the time on of the best strikers on the planet.

IN 2010:
There are various players in the squad with Premiership ties and experience but nothing to really suggest that they are world beater footballers.

FAMOUS PLAYERS:
Hugo Sanchez the player that would do somersaults every time he scored for Mexico and/or Real Madrid. Additionally Pique is quite a memorable Mexican but he was just the mascot from Mexico 86.

MOST OBVIOUS REFERENCE:
Sombrero.

AWAY FROM FOOTBALL:
Mexico is regarded as place people escape to, to go visit for a seedy vacation or for Americans to escape the law.

NUMBER OF PEOPLE FROM MEXICAN THAT I KNOW:
I don’t know any Mexican people.

QUOTE FROM A MEXICAN:
Not coming.

DO I LIKE THEM:
Yes because from an opposition perspective they do not hold much threat but from an entertainment perspective they hold loads of promise and potential.

FINAL COMMENT:
Generally you’ll find that most teams that play in green shirts are decent outfits in one way or another.

Wednesday 21 April 2010

JAPAN

THEY ARE:
What appears to be the most modern and neon country on the globe. The world loves their electronics and until recently their cars (do not mention Toyota and braking). Japan is the badass country of the Far East, traditionally not happy to suffer fools and very much of an island mentality with regards to its apparent attitude towards the rest of the world. They are a wonderful thing.

AS A FOOTBALL NATION:
Along with South Korea they hosted the tournament back in 2002 which was the first time the World Cup had ever been held on the Asian continent. By all reports they both made a very good job of hosting proceedings.

MY OWN EXPERIENCE:
Japanese people are generally great but their football team is a mystery. South Korea has always tended to overshadow them. Gary Lineker actually ended his career playing in Japan for Grampus Eight which has always seemed like the weirdest decision with hindsight. The J-League appears on FIFA video games but has never really possessed much of a world profile.

IN 2010:
They have had some decent results in the run up to the finals and could well put in a very respectable showing. Group E is a mixed bag of spent powers and underachievers so a second spot might not be beyond the realms of reality. Their manager Takeshi Okada cuts the shadow of a real salaryman.

FAMOUS PLAYERS:
Shunsuke Nakamura had a pretty successful stint playing for Celtic.

MOST OBVIOUS REFERENCE:
Sushi.

AWAY FROM FOOTBALL:
So much cool stuff originates from Japan, just watch an episode of Japanorama. Some of my favourite things include Nintendo, Anime, wrestling and J-Pop music by stars such as Koda Kumi and Ayumi Hamasaki. There is also a great tradition of indie and noise bands including Shonen Knife, Boris, Afrirampo, Melt-Banana, Boredoms and DJ Scotch Egg. Then there is also the Yakuza.

NUMBER OF PEOPLE FROM JAPAN THAT I KNOW:
Quite a few surprisingly including ladies called Junko and Yuko.

QUOTE FROM A JAPANESE PERSON:
I’m trying.

DO I LIKE THEM:
Yes I do. I don’t rate them as a football nation but think they are great on so many levels.

FINAL COMMENT:
They rock.

Tuesday 20 April 2010

IVORY COAST

THEY ARE:
Otherwise known as Cote d’Ivoire it is a former French colony which gained independence in 1960. Huzzah!

AS A FOOTBALL NATION:
This is their second World Cup finals as they become one of the emerging lights in the new breed of African football. They had a rude awakening when they made their World Cup debut at the 2006 tournament being drawn in the same group as Argentina and Holland losing 2-1 in both games. It was a respectable performance on the whole.

MY OWN EXPERIENCE:
I am no fan of Chelsea and as a result I am no fan of Didier Drogba although his skills cannot be denied. Other familiar faces include Eboue, Toure and Kalou who I am less vehement about.

IN 2010:
They are now a Sven-Goran Eriksson joint, whatever good that will do them (spoken like the bitter Englishman that I am). Earlier this year they were lackluster in the African Cup Of Nations going out to Algeria in the quarter finals after beating Ghana in the group stages, unfortunately the group that was to have Togo competing in also. The unfortunate injury to Didier Drogba in their recent friendly with Japan is likely to play havoc with their apparent campaign as they hope and pray that he will be fit enough to figure in their matches.

FAMOUS PLAYERS:
Didier Drogba is the most famous by a mile with a near legendary status in his home country. As noted above the nation can also boast players such as Kolo Toure, Salomon Kalou and Emmanuel Eboue.

MOST OBVIOUS REFERENCE:
Their nickname is “The Elephants”.

AWAY FROM FOOTBALL:
Occupation by Europeans and Coups d’etat.

NUMBER OF PEOPLE FROM THE IVORY COAST THAT I KNOW:
None.

QUOTE FROM AN IVORIAN:
Not likely.

DO I LIKE THEM:
I like African teams but I don’t really like Drogba. What to do.

FINAL COMMENT:
Portugal v Ivory Coast and Ronaldo v Drogba truly is a contest of disdain for me.

Monday 19 April 2010

ITALY

THEY ARE:
Tarred with the brush of being home of the Cosa Nostra, the Mafia. In many ways this makes them a terrifying country. Whether The Sopranos and Jersey Shore are positive reputations of the Italian experience (via American media) they are indeed exciting ones.

AS A FOOTBALL NATION:
They have always been there or there about. For years Serie A was considered the greatest football league on the planet able to draw the greatest players from all over the earth which came coupled with some of the most fanatical and passionate support that still remains today. Unfortunately a lot of corruption taints the league also but nonetheless it remains a very exciting league. As an international team they have won the World Cup four times, most recently in 2006 but famously in 1982 when Paolo Rossi ran all over the tournament. They have also won the European Championships once, back in 1968.

MY OWN EXPERIENCE:
Many people consider the Italia 90 tournament the birth of modern football and the way in which Schillachi seemed to come out of nowhere (and promptly disappear back into nowhere) was genuinely exciting. In 2006 they were my draw in the office sweepstake which saw me take home £31. Thank you Italy.

IN 2010:
The legends from 2006 are now all but gone and this is now a young team. Expectations are low so returns will probably be high.

FAMOUS PLAYERS:
The scream of Marco Tardelli is up there with Edvard Munch. Additionally there is Rossi, Baggio and dozens of other historical figures.

MOST OBVIOUS REFERENCE:
Spaghetti.

AWAY FROM FOOTBALL:
Fellini gave the world a sideways view of proceedings. Pisa has a leaning tower.

NUMBER OF PEOPLE FROM ITALY THAT I KNOW:
Joe, who is currently in Japan.

QUOTE FROM AN ITALIAN:
It’s coming.

DO I LIKE THEM:
Yes but I wouldn’t want England to have to play them.

FINAL COMMENT:
Italy has perhaps the greatest set of stereotypes in this tournament.

Sunday 18 April 2010

HONDURAS

THEY ARE:
A Central American republic.

AS A FOOTBALL NATION:
They are one of those mysterious CONCACAF nations. Sometimes they can provide banana skins to slip on such as Costa Rica at Italia 90 against Scotland.

MY OWN EXPERIENCE:
I have no previous experience of Honduras as either a nation or footballing nation. Indeed this is their first World Cup appearance since Spain 82.

IN 2010:
They run the risk of being Group H whipping boys.

FAMOUS PLAYERS:
Wilson Palacios.

MOST OBVIOUS REFERENCE:
I’m looking.

AWAY FROM FOOTBALL:
I’m looking.

NUMBER OF PEOPLE FROM HONDURAS THAT I KNOW:
None.

QUOTE FROM A HONDURAN:
None.

DO I LIKE THEM:
There is a promise of goals in their matches but not necessarily from themselves.

FINAL COMMENT:
Could be a fun team to watch (not necessarily for the right reasons).

Saturday 17 April 2010

GREECE

THEY ARE:
Home of the Olympics, home of the athlete and a nation that is currently financially ravaged and on tender hooks. Perhaps a good performance at these finals will bring about an improvement in national morale.

AS A FOOTBALL NATION:
Never really considered too much of a might in the football world somehow they managed to win the European Championships in 2004. This was a victory coming straight out of nowhere from a nation once considered footballing whipping boys.

MY OWN EXPERIENCE:
At the time of their Euro 2004 victory I remember declaring it as “the worst thing to happen to European football in my lifetime.” A few years later England had a bit of trouble in dispatching them during the qualification group for Germany 2006 requiring that famous last gasp free kick at Old Trafford from David Beckham to scrape a 2-2 draw.

IN 2010:
Their European Championships victory seems/feels a long time ago now. Quite frankly it was a fluke. Situated in Group B they stand little chance of upsetting Argentina but against South Korea and Nigeria things could go either way.

FAMOUS PLAYERS:
*SHRUGS SHOULDERS* Theo Paphitis is quite famous in football.

MOST OBVIOUS REFERENCE:
Athens and its ruins.

AWAY FROM FOOTBALL:
A combination of tourism, the Olympics and now financial despair. Also kebabs.

NUMBER OF PEOPLE FROM GREECE THAT I KNOW:
I used to regularly see a woman on the train many mornings I nicknamed “The Bubble”. I also have a friend of a friend called Nikos.

QUOTE FROM A GREEK:
Unfortunately none.

DO I LIKE THEM:
No I don’t them.

FINAL COMMENT:
I have no final comment.

Friday 16 April 2010

GHANA

THEY ARE:
“one of Africa’s most stable democracies and thriving economies.”

AS A FOOTBALL NATION:
They are actually quite fancied as being a bit tasty these days as part of the new generation of African footballing nations along with the Ivory Coast. They have won the African Cup Of Nations four times and were finalists this year where they lost 1-0 to Egypt. On the way to the final they defeated Nigeria but earlier in the tournament they lost to the Ivory Coast in the group stages when they were in the unfortunate same group as Togo. This is their second appearance at the World Cup finals, the first time being four years ago when they went out in the knock out stage to Brazil.

MY OWN EXPERIENCE:
They made their World Cup debut at the 2006 finals in Germany where they made a respectable debut by beating the Czech Republic and USA scoring a memorable smash mouth goal against the Americans.

IN 2010:
They hold a more than fighting chance of getting through Group D and into the knock out stages. Earlier this year people were talking about them possibly becoming the first African nation to win the World Cup but such voices of pundit have since sobered up. The unfortunate loss of Michael Essien to injury severely hinders their chances.

FAMOUS PLAYERS:
Michael Essien and the incredibly annoying Kevin-Prince Boateng.

MOST OBVIOUS REFERENCE:
Dance and crazy textiles.

AWAY FROM FOOTBALL:
The Girl at work recently did three weeks of teaching out there. She had a great time but really teacher material she is not.

NUMBER OF PEOPLE FROM GHANA THAT I KNOW:
I used to work with a lady called Victoria from Ghana. She was batshit crazy.

QUOTE FROM A GHANIAN:
The last text message I received from Victoria was: “I like u too darling.”

DO I LIKE THEM:
As with all African nations I like them until England has to play them at which point in my mind they begin to pose a genuine/serious threat.

FINAL COMMENT:
Thanks to Ghana for their infinite “gonna” jokes.

Thursday 15 April 2010

GERMANY

THEY ARE:
The nation that shot to fame for being responsible for two world wars in the fast half of the last century. Some guy with his book “My Struggle” was a very naughty boy. They are also known for possessing a strange affection towards David Hasselhoff.

AS A FOOTBALL NATION:
They are a machine. Teams will need to play beyond themselves to defeat them. As a side they do not suffer fools.

MY OWN EXPERIENCE:
Traditionally an emotionless team of divers with the occasional interesting moustache for years it felt that they were the team that always won. Obviously the West German match from Turin in 1990 against England goes down as one of the most exciting World Cup finals encounters ever. Then there was 1966 when England defeated West Germany in the World Cup final from Wembley.

IN 2010:
Germany is not expected to do much in this competition but they are always going to be there or there abouts. Losing Ballack to injury at the cup final could be a weakening factor as an ageing team plugs away at their latest campaign. Klose is still up front, now chasing the all time World Cup finals scoring record. It’s a big ask. They have not won the World Cup since becoming unified. Their coach Joachim Low looks like wrestling brain Eric Bischoff. Sitting in Group D there is a possibility of them playing England in the first round of the knock out stage.

FAMOUS PLAYERS:
It begins with Beckenbauer continues with Gerd Muller and moves onto Karl Heinz Rumminegge via Harold Schumacher through to Lothar Matthaus and Rudi Voller. Then there was Klinnsmann. In recent years there has been Michael Ballack. I also remember the name Buchwald quite vividly because its mere mention would incense my old dog Snowy. It just made him angry.

MOST OBVIOUS REFERENCE:
Towels on sun beds.

AWAY FROM FOOTBALL:
Germany is an amazing country with a tainted past that ruins their modern reputation. With each generation this improves though and when I visited Berlin a couple of summers ago I returned with nothing but praise for the city being an exciting and vibrant place. And I barely scratched the surface.

NUMBER OF PEOPLE FROM GERMANY THAT I KNOW:
I don’t know any actual German people (and I wish I did) but I do know a few people that now live in Berlin.

QUOTE FROM A GERMAN:
I’ll try.

DO I LIKE THEM:
I like Germany but I do not like the German national football team.

FINAL COMMENT:
Smile.

Wednesday 14 April 2010

FRANCE

THEY ARE:
France needs no introduction for any Englishman. In France we hold a long standing disdain and rivalry.

AS A FOOTBALL NATION:
The French footballing legacy is a strong one that begins with Michel Platini a player that at one time was considered toe-to-toe with Maradona on the skills front. He never quite got that far but he certainly has a fine legacy of his own. Post Platini after a few lean years they came back as a force

MY OWN EXPERIENCE:
They were long time underachievers until in 1998 they surprised the World Cup by defeating the much fancied Brazilian team that included Ronaldo (the other one), winning 3-0 in the final on home turf. Two years later they then won the 2000 European Championships for a second time.

IN 2010:
They are not really a very good team despite having a number of fantastic names in their squad. The players are getting old now but the real issue appears to be with their Eugene Levy lookalike manager Raymond Domenech. He is not a popular and eccentric with it, something I am sure he now plays up to. Regardless of what happens, he will get the blame for the failure in these finals.

FAMOUS PLAYERS:
Obviously most famous is Platini but also one of my all time favourite players in Eric Cantona. After issues with The Man he never really quite achieved what he should have on the international level. In recent times Zidane and Henry have been world beaters.

MOST OBVIOUS REFERENCE:
The Eiffel Tower.

AWAY FROM FOOTBALL:
The French have a reputation for being snobbish but stylish and kings of cuisine and culture. In a way should such snobbishness exist it is deserved. The country has produced people such as Serge Gainsbourg. It is pretty magnificent.

NUMBER OF PEOPLE FROM FRANCE THAT I KNOW:
None.

QUOTE FROM A FRENCHMAN:
Sadly none.

DO I LIKE THEM:
Yes I do. As a nation of people they carry themselves well and fortunately should England have to play them I don’t think they would be too difficult to defeat.

FINAL COMMENT:
My French teacher at school was Mrs Moulton. She was a badass.

Tuesday 13 April 2010

ENGLAND

THEY ARE:
We are England. We are probably the greatest nation on earth, we have just done so much cool shit over the years it hurts. One of those things includes inventing football! You’re welcome.

AS A FOOTBALL NATION:
England thinks they are better than they actually are. In a way by rights this should be the case because (as noted above) they invented the game but it just isn’t the case.

MY OWN EXPERIENCE:
They are crushing underachievers but able to summon up a unique kind of passion towards such matches and competitions. I do think this causes our team to be disliked, maybe even considered arrogant.

IN 2010:
We have a strong backbone of a side and a manager that to date has been next to faultless. Subsequent injuries however have hindered preparations and the sudden realization that there is not much depth to the squad is proving cause for concern. This also worryingly comes coupled with what appears a loss of form in certain players at the end of yet another very long season.

FAMOUS PLAYERS:
Too many to list here. Currently David Beckham is the face of football because he is recognized in the United States of Advertising.

MOST OBVIOUS REFERENCE:
I really wonder what the world thinks of when it thinks of England. Beefeaters and The Queen.

AWAY FROM FOOTBALL:
The current social stock of England on a world level is believed to currently be low due to our association with the USA.

NUMBER OF PEOPLE FROM ENGLAND THAT I KNOW:
99% of people I know are English and being somewhat misanthropic by nation that does not suggest good things about the English.

QUOTE FROM AN ENGLISHMAN:
“We are going to win the World Cup” – me.

DO I LIKE THEM:
Like England? I love England!

FINAL COMMENT:
I really would love our country to win the World Cup but slowly I have found my confidence in the team becoming more undermined by the day. We have definitely put in World Cup winning performances under Capello, just not recently.

Monday 12 April 2010

DENMARK

THEY ARE:
Fun loving Vikings from Scandinavian. Truly handsome alpha males.

AS A FOOTBALL NATION:
They’re a handful.

MY OWN EXPERIENCE:
When I first got into football (in 1986) my favourite player was Danish in the form of Jan Molby who can still be heard doing commentary now with his Scouse accent. That year the Danish nation team at Mexico 86 was amazing. I still have some of their matches on VHS cassette. Up front they had Preben Elkjaer and Michael Laudrup while Soren Lerby, Frank Arnesen and Jesper Olsen played in midfield backed up by Morten Olsen and John Sivebaek in defense and the inconsistent Troels Rasmussen in goal. This was not a team you could forget. When they beat Uruguay 6-1 it was a revelation. Amazingly they proceeded to lose to 5-1 to Spain in the next round. A few years later after getting a backdoor entry into the European Championships they went and won the whole the competition in 1992. Since then they have been only a shadow of their former glories but there is always chance/risk that they might recapture them.

IN 2010:
They are in Group E with Holland, Cameroon and Japan which is my personal favourite group and initially what I thought was the group of death (until the realities of Group G hit). Holland has been showing some form recently but generally these are footballing nations that have seen better days.

FAMOUS PLAYERS:
Michael Laudrup and Jan Molby.

MOST OBVIOUS REFERENCE:
Lego and bacon.

AWAY FROM FOOTBALL:
I visited Denmark when I was ten to go to Legoland. It was the first time I had ever been to a foreign country and it was great. Over the years have met many Danish people and found them to have a real thrust for life (as do most Scandinavians generally).

NUMBER OF PEOPLE FROM DENMARK THAT I KNOW:
One (Sofie).

QUOTE FROM A DANE:
Coming.

DO I LIKE THEM:
Very much.

FINAL COMMENT:
I hope they go far.

Sunday 11 April 2010

CHILE

THEY ARE:
A country in South America best know for its wine.

AS A FOOTBALL NATION:
They are an outfit who for a while in the nineties (along with Columbia) looked tasty.

MY OWN EXPERIENCE:
Chile are another South American nuisance nation.

IN 2010:
A real mystery, potential dark horses.

FAMOUS PLAYERS:
Their goalkeeper Roberto Rojas always stood out for me. Not least for deliberately injuring himself on pitch to avoid a loss which resulted in a lifetime ban. He looked the type.

MOST OBVIOUS REFERENCE:
Wine.

AWAY FROM FOOTBALL:
Wine.

NUMBER OF PEOPLE FROM CHILE THAT I KNOW:
None.

QUOTE FROM A CHILEAN:
Not at this time.

DO I LIKE THEM:
As with any South American country (to generalize) they hold the potential to be a wicked balance of skillful and tetchy temperament.

FINAL COMMENT:
I feel ignorant.

Saturday 10 April 2010

CAMEROON

THEY ARE:
A green country with forests, mountains, beaches and even volcanoes.

AS A FOOTBALL NATION:
They had a great moment in 1990 and ever since in the modern era they have been trying to recapture such feats. They are four times winner of the African Cup Of Nations. The Indomitable Lions are the grand of team of African football.

MY OWN EXPERIENCE:
Their team was legendary in 1990. In their opening match of Italia 90 I will never forget when they beat Argentina 1-0 after/despite having two players sent off. After losing their final group game 4-0 to the Soviet Union they became the only nation to ever top their group with a negative goal difference, a genuine feat. Later in the tournament they faced England and gave us a very good run for our money. Luckily their heavy handed style of play gave England two penalties both of which TV’s Gary Lineker slotted away.

IN 2010:
The star of the show now is Samuel Eto’o. It is now twenty years since the excitement of Italia 90 and the reality is that this team almost missed out on qualification for these finals (they missed out in 2006). The Dutch should rule Group E leaving the second spot relatively open for the three remaining teams. A strong start against Japan could see them on their way.

FAMOUS PLAYERS:
Roger Miller. He is credited with creating the modern goal scoring celebration but his goals in 1990 were wonderful things. His pocket pick of Rene Higuita from Colombia will forever be a legendary warning to goalkeepers the world over. Four years later when he scored against Russia at the 1994 finals in America he was 42 years old making him the oldest World Cup finals goalscorer of all time.

MOST OBVIOUS REFERENCE:
Forests and mountains, basic greenery.

AWAY FROM FOOTBALL:
A strange penchant for making objects out of bamboo.

NUMBER OF PEOPLE FROM CAMEROON THAT I KNOW:
None.

QUOTE FROM A CAMEROONIAN:
Not coming.

DO I LIKE THEM:
Yes, there is always hope (threat) that they will pull off a shock

FINAL COMMENT:
Hoping for a comeback.

Friday 9 April 2010

BRAZIL

THEY ARE:
The carnival capital of South America. A nation of contrasting fortunes, of a wealth gap so depressing and of a landscape so gorgeous.

AS A FOOTBALL NATION:
They are considered the greatest footballing nation in history and will always be one of the favourite for any tournament. They have won the World Cup five times, most recently in 2002.

MY OWN EXPERIENCE:
The first time I ever heard of Brazil and football was the Josimar wonder goal against Northern Ireland (and Pat Jennings) at Mexico 86. It was however at the 1989 Copa America tournament (while on holiday in Ibiza) that I fully realized their greatness for the first time with a team featuring Bebeto and Romario.

IN 2010:
Situated in this tournament’s Group Of Death with Portugal and the Ivory Coast (Group G) Brazil will have to bring their A-game from the off. It’s a much more subtle team/squad now that previous tournaments but they will always be a side that need be approached with caution.

FAMOUS PLAYERS:
Pele (before he got erectile problems), Ronaldinho, Zico, Socrates, Ronaldo, Romario. Not Mirandinho. And never in their history a goalkeeper.

MOST OBVIOUS REFERENCE:
Beach football and carnivals.

AWAY FROM FOOTBALL:
Sepultura!

NUMBER OF PEOPLE FROM BRAZILIAN THAT I KNOW:
I work with a bunch of people that claim to be Brazilian but they are actually Albanian. What up with that?

QUOTE FROM A BRAZILIAN:
None.

DO I LIKE THEM:
Everyone likes Brazil. Nobody likes playing against Brazil.

FINAL COMMENT:
Its gonna be great!

Thursday 8 April 2010

AUSTRALIA

THEY ARE:
The nation of criminals we sent packing to the opposite side of the world many moons ago. They are also the home of Neighbours, Home And Away and Crocodile Dundee. Their most recognizable animal is the Koala, a little bear that climbs trees and gets stoned. They are a great nation until their residents become brash and decide to repeatedly inform you of this fact.

AS A FOOTBALL NATION:
Traditionally they are a mediocre footballing nation but in recent times they have become regulars at the World Cup.

MY OWN EXPERIENCE:
Their accents make them stand out in a negative way.

IN 2010:
They are in a tough group with Germany and Ghana (Group D). Interestingly this is the group that will produce England’s opponents in the first round so an England v Australia clash is a genuine possibility.

FAMOUS PLAYERS:
Tim Cahill and Mark Viduka. One was a Millwall legend and I was once told I looked like the other (initially causing great offense).

MOST OBVIOUS REFERENCE:
Mad Max 2.

AWAY FROM FOOTBALL:
Australia has a lot going for it. Sun, sun, sun. Beaches, beaches, beaches.

NUMBER OF PEOPLE FROM AUSTRALIA THAT I KNOW:
I currently know just one Australian (Mark from the Doomed Bird Of Providence) and additionally I also know a number of ex-pats who now live out there.

QUOTE FROM AN AUSTRALIAN:
Coming.

DO I LIKE THEM:
Yes because Tim Cahill provided many great times at Millwall.

FINAL COMMENT:
Socceroos is not necessarily a very good nickname for your team.

Tuesday 6 April 2010

ARGENTINA

THEY ARE:
Argentina is a powerful and fiery nation from South America. From an English perspective they are unfortunately most remembered in recent times for their little tiff with Maggie Thatcher over the Falkland Islands. Moving on.

AS A FOOTBALL NATION:
They are an efficient and often nasty outfit. This has resulted in them winning the competition twice including their galling victory in 1986.

MY OWN EXPERIENCE:
The first World Cup I ever watched was Mexico 86 so getting off on the wrong foot, naturally I am wary (at best) of Argentina. As result of this however when they lost 1-0 to Cameroon in the opening of Italia 90 it provided a great, sweet sweet moment of World Cup football that will never be forgotten.

IN 2010:
With Maradona now managing the team is unorthodox to say the least. There is something very pantomime about Maradona these days and he definitely brings something to the tournament from an entertainment perspective if nothing else. Whether he can manage (and not mismanage) talents such as Messi and Tevez is open to debate.

FAMOUS PLAYERS:
Diego Maradona! From an English perspective Ossie Ardiles was a Spurs legend and a very recognized Argentinean face. From a horror perspective goalkeeper Nery Pumpido is unfortunately notorious for catching his wedding ring on a nail attached to a goalpost and nearly losing his wedding finger. Then you have their famous strikers and goal scorers in Mario Kempes, Gabriel Batistuta and Hernan Crespo. Finally Daniel Passarella caused some nightmares with his challenges.

MOST OBVIOUS REFERENCE:
Diego Maradona!

AWAY FROM FOOTBALL:
The Falklands.

NUMBER OF PEOPLE FROM ARGENTINA THAT I KNOW:
One, Maria.

QUOTE FROM AN ARGENTINIAN:
(it’s coming)

DO I LIKE THEM:
I actually do now, for years the “Hand Of God” provided a wound that felt like it would never heal but these days there is an almost guaranteed entertainment value in their matches. Hopefully England will not be facing them.

FINAL COMMENT:
They could go either way in the tournament and will definitely cause problems for any team that they face.

Monday 5 April 2010

ALGERIA

THEY ARE:
An Islamic country from Africa. They are famous for the Tropic of Cancer region. I used to have a client who fitted gas pipes out there, pipeline maintenance.

AS A FOOTBALL NATION:
This is their third World Cup after appearing at the 1982 and 1986 finals. In 1982 they did themselves proud by defeating West Germany and Chile before being unceremoniously dumped out as Austria allowed West Germany to beat them. It was a travesty. Their manager Rabah Saadane is now in his fifth spell of managing the side.

MY OWN EXPERIENCE:
I have no real experience of Algeria as a football nation other than their weird football stickers back in 1986.

IN 2010:
A poor showing in the African Cup Of Nations suggests that they should not pose too many problems in Group C. They did manage to eliminate the Ivory Coast at the tournament but eventually went down 4-0 to eventual African champions Egypt which was something of a revenge for Egypt after Algeria eliminated them during World Cup qualification last November amidst reports of crowd trouble.

FAMOUS PLAYERS:
Hassan Yebda is at Portsmouth (for now).

MOST OBVIOUS REFERENCE:
Gas.

AWAY FROM FOOTBALL:
Muslims.

NUMBER OF PEOPLE FROM ALEGERIA THAT I KNOW:
No I do not.

QUOTE FROM AN ALGERIAN:
Not likely.

DO I LIKE THEM:
Provided they not pose us any problems in the group round.

FINAL COMMENT:
Hopefully they will repeat their erratic form from the African Cup Of Nations.