Wednesday 16 June 2010 – WORLD CUP DAY SIX

It is snowing in South Africa. After a couple of bitterly cold evenings followed by a couple of games being drenched in rain now it is snowy in South Africa. There has never been a crazier set of weather for a World Cup. Hats off to the South Africans.

Word today comes through that Robbie Earle of the ITV commentary/pundit team has been sent home with a flea in his ear after dishing out complimentary tickets for the Denmark v Holland game to the wrong sources. The screen shows several beautiful ladies in short orange clothing. His actions weren’t ALL bad. Certainly they were better than his actual football covering abilities.

Today Tom Parry from Pappy’s is covering the World Cup on the Umbro website today. His entry can be seen here.

Elsewhere The Gaffer today alerts how the North Korea v Brazil match was reported as a 3-0 victory for DPR Korea yesterday in their native land. Team America would not have allowed this.

CHILE v HONDURAS
In a game that hardly sets the imagination alight instead as it kicks off I find myself in a pub garden having lunch with another person having another birthday. The sun is sweet, too good to be wasted on sitting indoors watching a second rate World Cup match. Eventually I catch up on the game or it catches up on me with the score at 1-0 to Chile. Picking up on proceedings Chile actually look half decent as Honduras compliment them well and make a half decent game out of it. Amongst their ranks Chile have a player named Waldo Ponce which just might be my favourite name of any player in this competition. Later it is he who has the opportunity to add a second but he falls short to a wonder save from Valladares in the Honduras goal who turn out to be an incredibly team. A pretty decent game (what I see of it) ends at 1-0 to Chile.

SPAIN v SWITZERLAND
Espana are the favourites of many. Liverpool supporters love them for Torres. Personally I can live without him and them. And today as the teams are announced it would appear that the manager feels he can live without Torres. For the game I remain at my parents’ gaff where the big TV is. In the end it is a game that feels as if it never really gets started and certainly does not match up to the excitement that the arrival of Spain should conjure. After a lacklustre first half things fail to improve for Switzerland when Senderos nobbles himself and has to go off after 35 minutes. With my old man falling asleep on the other sofa the game reaches halftime painfully scoreless. So is this really the mighty Spain that everyone is talking about? A miracle happens just beyond the restart as Switzerland score when they literally smash through the Spanish defense as bodies go flying and blood gets spilled with Gelson Fernandes being the player to finally shove the ball over the line (in the 52nd). Suddenly I have my favourite goal of the tournament so far. This is truly brutal stuff and naturally the Spanish complain. Within ten minutes Torres is on the pitch but he fails to make an impact upfront with Villa. Eventually Alonso smashes the ball off the Switzerland crossbar with potentially the hardest shot of the competition so far. The game finally ends at 1-0 to Switzerland and a genuine shock that suddenly puts the England draw on Saturday into perspective. Spain suck.

SOUTH AFRICA v URUGUAY
As a beautiful summer evening in England closes the day out all looks good as the World Cup enters into its second phase of matches. The Uruguaian national anthem sounds like the theme music to a whimsical 80s BBC sitcom. Halfway through all the players begins singing in tandem, I guess that is the good bit. The first ten minutes are occupied with Uruguay putting on a lot of pressure but gradually South Africa take hold of the game and begin to pull out. As my mind wanders in the 23rd minute Diego Forlan fires in a wonder shoot, one that his coach Oscar Tabarez appears to have a fit when celebrating. Into the second half the game maintains a decent pace. When Suarez takes a bash to the mouth and begins bleeding he proceeds to spend the first part of the half with a tissue hanging out of his mouth giving off the impression he is frothing. It’s a great look. When it disappears I begin to wonder if he has swallowed or eaten it. In many ways the match pans out as a clash of sophistication vs passion and unfortunately the heart of South Africa does not appear to be complimented by an equivalent touch. In the 75th minute Uruguay through Suarez break into the South African penalty area and as Bafana Bafana think he is offside as Khune pulls him down in spectacular style. Unfortunately the referee signals a penalty and produces a red card for the keeper (the fifth red card of the tournament so far). Minutes later Forlan comfortably slots home the spot kick against the new goalkeeper. At this point South African supporters begin spilling out of the crowd. In a way it is nice to see that this response is universal. Eventually Pereira adds a third for Uruguay five minutes into injury time and suddenly it begins to look like South Africa may sadly not be progressing past the group stage.

Tonight on Radio Five Live Danny Baker gets a midweek show which again is one of the best forms of coverage of the finals. Hats off.

Tuesday 15 June 2010 – WORLD CUP DAY FIVE

Today’s news includes that Nani was sent home from the Portuguese camp rather than force home through injury. Tut tut.

Elsewhere with North Korea entering the tournament fun and games have been reported from their press conference as the manager Kim Jong-hun begins to refuses to acknowledge any reference to his side as North Korea instead insisting that questions are pitched to him as the coach of DPR Korea. In reply to questions many of his answers apparently bear mention of their “great leader” and it would indeed appear that they have snuck in an extra striker as a goalkeeper. Who on earth are they kidding? It sounds like there are going to be no North Korean supporters at the match tonight. On the Guardian World Cup Daily podcast they go in search with a microphone for North Korean supporters but they find no fruit. Slightly better ITV discovers an eccentric white man who claims to have been the only North Korean supporter during their qualifying campaign. Eventually word comes through that a number of Chinese people are being shipped in to support DPR Korea. Good luck.

Excited and bored in equal measures of waiting for the games to start today I actually find myself on eBay ordering Panini World Cup football stickers.

Also let today be acknowledged as the day that I discover the Lego Fussball website. This is some of the most colourful coverage of the World Cup you will glimpse anywhere.

I wish football commentary was still done over the telephone. It sounded more exciting and exotic, it sounded like it was coming from a foreign land.

NEW ZEALAND v SLOVAKIA
Both teams today sport a fine set of singing voices as the national anthems ring out and the Slovakians belt out a particularly fine rendition of their song. After feeling initially lukewarm towards New Zealand suddenly I find myself with flourishing with local links to the team with Tommy Smith from Ipswich in the lineup and Shane Smeltz formerly of AFC Wimbledon up front. On TV this is a much derided fixture by the experts (“the readers wives”) but once up and running it turns out to be an open game even if both sides are somewhat lacking, maybe even impotent. Soon it becomes apparent that the New Zealand goalkeeper Paston is not very good and it feels only a matter of time before he makes a mistake, a Slovakian victory seems inevitable. Finally Slovakia takes the lead early into the first half through a Vittek header. From here it turns out to be something of a painful encounter as New Zealand plainly just aren’t very good. For the longest time I am reminded of painful inter form encounters at school where our class (1CS, 2CS, 3CS etc) were just ill equipped with ungifted players to deal with anyone. As I daydream into negative nostalgia the game saunters into injury time and as Shane Smeltz puts in a late late cross two minutes into additional time Winston Reid knocks in a header as I let off a genuine cheer, a cheer that is as much for my old school teammates as it is for the Kiwis. From here the game ends at a surprising 1-1 and a genuine sense of victory for the underdog.

IVORY COAST v PORTUGAL
For the clash of the day I strive and desire a different setting so I find myself heading over to my old man’s crib to watch the next two games on a big screen TV. This is what the day is screaming for; hopefully football will look better bigger. In what should have been a classic encounter today two class teams never really get started. As ever Ronaldo cuts an annoying shadow over proceedings, it just feels impossible to like him. Still his skills are pretty undeniable when he wallops the ball against the goalpost from range as he does after ten minutes here. It has to be said the Ivory Coast shirts reveal major bitch tits on their part and this is certainly something I should and would not be noticing if the game was any good. From here there are few sparks to this game and when the game is still 0-0 at halftime it is well on its way to being a crass disappointment. The problem it would seem is that everyone is being very guarded in this round of matches, nobody wants to lose. Inevitably Drogba comes on in the second but with only twenty minutes left to do anything he barely scratches the surface of the game and eventually it ends 0-0 and a true stalemate. You sense behind the scenes everyone is relieved and happy with this but with pre-tournament promise not matched you can’t help but resent them for what feels like a no-show.

BRAZIL v NORTH KOREA
With people beginning to heavily criticize the standard of matches at these finals the tournament finds itself screaming out for a classic Brazil performance. Tonight by FIFA rankings we have on paper the best team in the finals against the worst team in the finals. As mentioned above there are plenty of fun and games to be had with North Korea (or rather DPR Korea). It begins passionately when during the singing of the national anthems the Korean number 9 Tae-Se Jong is seen tearing up in extreme fashion. Why so glum? With a national anthem that resembles “All By Myself” there is no need to weep. Then there is the spectacle of the wardrobe choice of Dunga. With his short haircut he already looks as if he added a moustache he would be the younger Chuckle Brother but tonight he appears to be wearing Captain Birdseye’s jacket. That is one coat I would not want to borrow.

Beyond all this once the game is up and running it turns out to be a fairly entertaining one with North Korea more than holding their own and as with the way of the modern world suddenly people begin to cheer up (cheer on) the underdogs. In a way when the game reaches halftime at 0-0 it is indicative of maintaining the low standard of games in these finals but also the prospect of an upset is one to savour. This however is not met as ten minutes into the second half Maicon has the ball on the edge of the box and as he sends it in for a cross it proceeds to bend in on the inside of unfortunate Korean goalkeeper Ri Myong-Guk. With the first goal in suddenly it begins to look like Brazil may be headed towards a stack but to their credit North Korea remain stoic although in the 72nd minute Robinho sends Elano through who taps the ball home. Then suddenly Quantum Leap style during celebration he appears to turn in Ole Gunnar Solskjaer. The night ends with my second cheer of the day as Yun-Nam Ji breaks through in the last minute to pull a goal back for North Korea with an expert finish. The game ends at 2-1 to Brazil though in what wasn’t a bad game at all.

Rumours are that this game was only going to be shown on TV in North Korea if they won tonight. It’s a wacky World Cup.

My day ends with exchanging text messages with my friend now boarding a plane to Australia for a year.

Monday 14 June 2010 – WORLD CUP DAY FOUR

The news today is that Ledley King looks all but finished for the World Cup. His latest injury looks likely to keep him out for three weeks at which point it is debatable as to whether England will still actually be in the competition or not. In all my years of watching football I have never heard of such a pathetic individual, surely one of the key requirements of a professional at the highest level of any industry is that they be fit and reliable. In a normal walk of life a person would not be able to take this amount of time of and be allowed to let their organization down.

Also in the news today are reports of crowd trouble after the Australia v Germany game last night. It wasn’t trouble involving supporters but in fact apparently match marshals running riot in protest at their poor payment for work.

On the Honey Is Funny blog I come across a pretty decent rant at the ITV coverage of England games. I don’t have the words that Chris does.

There are also calls to ban the vuvuzela today. This was on the Daily Mail website.

Today begins my own favourite group with the first two encounters in Group E. These are four footballing nations I have always loved watching and even though these days they don’t have the form of the teams in Group G they still possess the ability to be very entertaining.

DENMARK v HOLLAND
This will always be a great fixture. Unfortunately as with these things the first half fails to live up to expectations as the Dutch get described as “underwhelming.” 33 seconds into the second half Simon Poulsen accidentally heads the ball of Daniel Agger and puts the ball into his own net. As the half continues neither team displays any spark or inspiration with the Dutch ruffling most feathers and working most opportunities. All the way through Van Persie suggests a threat and when Denmark pull off Bendtner it feels like some kind of moral victory for Holland which comes with a sense of the Danish throwing the towel in. On the 81st minute Sneider takes a shot that bounces off the bar. A few minutes later Kuyt knocks home a soft rebound off the far post to make the score 2-0, which is how the game ends.

CAMEROON v JAPAN
In another match distinctly lacking spark, despite Samuel Eto’o being on the field (albeit seemingly out of position) both Cameroon and Japan snuff each other out for the majority of the first half until in the 38th minute some slack slack defending from Cameroon allows Honda in at the far post to tap the ball in from a cross. Unfortunately in the second half things fail to pick up with the only genuine moment of excitement coming when M’bia pounds a shot against the crossbar for Cameroon. The victory is the first time Japan have won a World Cup finals match that wasn’t on their own soil and, for me, represents something of a major shock.

ITALY v PARAGUAY
Before the game during the national anthems Italy sound in good voice as they barely scrape together an audible note. It does however suggest pride and hopefully that they are up for it. In Villar Paraguay appear to be continuing in a proud line of goalkeeping captains Chilavert style. I wonder if this guy takes penalties also. This evening in South Africa it is pissing down. For a third game running things are far from classic and just as the lack of urgency in proceedings being highlighted Paraguay snatch a surprise lead as Alcaraz rises quickest to head home from a free kick. Thankfully the game picks up in the second half as Paraguay appear to gain in confidence and the game opens up. Eventually though Italy who manage to remain in the match finally take advantage of Villar looking ropey on crosses all game as De Rossi slots the ball in from a corner. From here the game plays out and ends at 1-1.

Sunday 13 June 2010 – WORLD CUP DAY THREE

As I awaken into the morning with a headache the country appears to share a similar state and collective panic over how the England v USA game went yesterday. Personally I can remember a time when we would have beaten nations such as America, Algeria and Slovenia 5-0 every time. It now feels/seems a long time ago since The Sun was proclaiming the group as “E.A.S.Y.” The less said about the New York Post the better.

From here I spend all morning listening to various World Cup podcasts and reading various World Cup supplements and magazines. On the Guardian World Cup Daily podcast Barry Glendenning is harsh but spot on, the least sympathetic but most accurate commentator of proceedings. Elsewhere I’m trying to learn about Honduras you see. Them and Chile and Slovakia and all the other countries that will be gone come two weeks time.

Today is my third birthday invitation in four days. The temptation is to not turn up as lessons were learned hard yesterday. I’ll pull myself together though. While at the occasion my friend and his girlfriend show me their vuvuzuela iPhone app. Its crazy shit.

ALGERIA v SLOVENIA
Just after midday the build up for the first game of the day begins, it being the second match of Group C and the opportunity to scout out England’s next two opponents. Naturally more coverage (on the BBC) is lent to England’s inability to win last night. Some people are panicking but others are staying cool. The game itself is a typical early rounds match of two potential non-qualifiers. Thankfully Algerian substitute Ghezzal with his crazy hair and crazy actions livens up proceedings when he performs a pointless handball and gets sent off for a second yellow card. By now the Algerian coach is beginning to look his age of one hundred years old. In the 76th minute the Slovenian goalkeeper Handanovic almost adds to the farce as he knocks a clearance straight to an Algerian player which fortunately for him does not serve to punish. A couple of minutes later however and the Algerian keeper Chaouchi finds himself performing along the lines of Robert Green as a shot from Robert Koren slips through his hands and produces the only goal of the game. It ends Slovenia 1 Algeria 0 meaning Slovenia are the early leaders above England of Group C.

GHANA v SERBIA
I get back from the birthday thing a few minutes into the second half with the game still at 0-0. Very quickly it is becoming evident that this is going to be a tight tournament with low scoring games. Perhaps one game will open up the floodgates. We can only hope. Unsurprisingly this game is more entertaining than the Algeria v Slovenia one as Ghana look skilled as promised/expressed. At the hour mark Gyan hits the outside of the Serbian post with a header. With about fifteen minutes left in the game Lukovic picks up a mystery second yellow card which reduces Serbia to ten men. At this point they pick up their game briefly until Ghana wins a penalty five minutes from time. As pressure builds Gyan steps up and puts the ball away that comes with a lengthy celebration. Soon afterwards the game finds itself in injury time where Gyan again hits the post before the game ends in a 1-0 victory for Ghana.

AUSTRALIA v GERMANY
The third game of the day comes with the promise of being an exciting one. Tim Cahill is in the Australian team and strangely in the lineup it would appear that he is to be the lone striker. Is this Australia being negative or revolutionary and inventive? Years ago Cahill once played up front for Millwall (because of injury) and he did score but it just wasn’t his position. After a lively start from Australia, in the eighth minute Podolski fires in a rocket to give Germany the lead. Later halfway through the half Klose adds a second with a brilliant header from a brilliant cross as he chases the all time World Cup finals top scorer record. These are two strikers that only scored three times a piece this season for their respective clubs in Germany. The second half begins a bit more livelier for Australia but the game ends as a competitive match when in the 55th minute the referee sends off Tim Cahill for a foul on Schweinsteiger. It is a very harsh decision. Inevitably Germany adds a third goal when in the 67th minute Muller scores. A couple of minutes later substitute Cacau adds a fourth and suddenly Germany are doing what Germany always seems to manage to do: terrify in the early stages whenever not much is expected of them. It ends 4-0 and suddenly the threat of England potentially having to play them in the next round is a genuine concern.

Saturday 12 June 2010 – WORLD CUP DAY TWO

Last night I had a dream that England were playing against USA, spending much of the game being penned in their own penalty area. Then suddenly out of nowhere Frank Lampard goes “fuck it” and takes the ball, dribbling it the entire length of the pitch and knocking it over the American keeper at which point everybody begins celebrating the wonder goal from John Terry. It’s a travesty.

On this note David Cameron today will be speaking with Barack Obama about England v USA on two accounts. As to which takes priority is open to debate judging by the awkward message to camera from Cameron to the England team and nation.

Elsewhere regarding the apparent grudge the American take on proceedings over at the Gawker blog is offering a useful “How To Hate England” guide.

My weekly shopping trip to Asda today feels fraught with hostility. As per routine I buy The Guardian and The Sun. One newspaper comes with an unofficial match programme while the other comes with an England flag. You can probably guess which is which. My shopping experience however takes a dip as the woman taking care of the self service checkouts stares at me scanning my purchases as if I were a hooligan or a thief.

Back home the Saturday morning Danny Baker show is coming live from Johannesburg where they are one hour ahead of us (as Baker likes to keep reminding us). Within his show he manages to convey the excitement of the competition more than any other coverage so far. As he attended the opening ceremony he went with a microphone and his running comment/observations of events unfolding out of him is the greatest coverage of such a thing ever heard.

Today I bump into an old friend who I haven’t seen in a number of years. As we exchange details of our various plans for the England this evening he tells me of how in Dalston they are setting up a large scream nearby the Vortex Jazz Club and having two jazz bands play during the game representing England and the USA and playing whenever their designated team is in possession. For a moment I am genuinely tempted to turn up for the event.

GREECE v SOUTH KOREA
As today’s first game builds up on television and the radio I instead find myself sat on a train platform awaiting a train to take me to Kilburn for a little girl’s eighth birthday party barbecue. There is no football in little girl’s barbecues. Nice food though. Eventually at the barbecue a skinhead with a goatee in an old England shirt tells me how Greece gift the game to South Korea with goals in each half including one from Park Ji-Sung to give them a surprise 2-0 win.

ARGENTINA v NIGERIA
The second game I miss today is the much fancied Argentina opening up shop against the unpredictable Nigeria. There is a definite chaos theory potentially at work with this game. Again it is through the bearded skinhead that I learn Argentina win this game 1-0 through an early goal from Heinze. Word is it that both teams perform very well.

ENGLAND v USA
While the England v USA game is kicking I find myself sat on a train wheeling its way home to Essex. I missed my perfect train by a minute (a matter of seconds). When I eventually arrive at a TV set it is fifteen minutes into the game and England are already 1-0 up through Gerrard. As I settle into the game I hardly feel enthused by what I am seeing on screen. Firstly I am quite shocked to be seeing James Milner on the field for England. Tonight both teams are pretty equal when really the balance should be heavily weighted in England’s favour. Then just before halftime (in the 40th minute) it happens. From the edge of the box Clint Dempsey fires in a so so shot which Robert Green promptly fumbles and allows into the net for an American equaliser. Like a rat I have to concede I cheer the goal, not because it is against England but because it is against Green the goalkeeper of West Ham. Its too late to say now but I would have gone with James. By this point in proceedings a booked Milner has already made way for Wright-Phillips and when the game breaks at 1-1 for halftime and Ledley King fails to come out for the second half suddenly there is something quite papery about England all of a sudden. In his place comes Carragher a player that had supposedly long since given up on the international game. Is this really the best that England has to offer? The second half turns out to be a frustrating affair. At first I am in no doubt that England are about to retake the lead but when Heskey gets sent clear through and fires the ball straight at Howard suddenly things begin to look quite impotent. Even worse Green later gets called upon to make a save from Altidore which he only manages to turn onto the post rather than scoop it to safely. This gets hailed as a great save of redemption but it is hardly confident or constructed. In other words it is not a great save. Towards the end Heskey makes way for Crouch who gets in the way and causes some havoc but doesn’t really win England the day. Eventually a united groan emerges as the game ends at 1-1 and England appears to choke at the first hurdle. As the camera man follows Capello as far down the tunnel as he is allowed from behind the man does not look happy. This was not good enough.

After the England game and heading into the night the TV abortion that is James Corden’s World Cup Live arrives on screen for the first team which sees the man himself rape and murder what remains of the World Cup with a stage set straight out of the dark days of the mid nineties and TFI Friday. A studio of baying Yes Men (and women) gaggle as vaguely football related statements are made as his guests are Simon Cowell and Katy Perry. This show seems designed just to promote product with tonight being the Dizzee Rascal/James Corden/Simon Cowell shit fest which is their World Cup single. Cowell even reckons that the England team needs to listen to the song before their next game in order to inspire them. I suspect it would demoralise them. Katy Perry looks good though. With nothing between her ears she has plenty elsewhere as she rocks an American flag latex dress. It’s a good look. One time too many she mentions West Ham though.

From here I actually find myself returning to Big Brother, bored of the World Cup.

Friday 11 June 2010 – WORLD CUP DAY ONE

Everyone is in on this game now. We are now wired into this commercialised trip that is supposed to bring us all together but really just now serves as a machine to generate revenue for the companies savvy and rich enough to get behind proceedings. After such an anxious wait why am I now feeling so cynical about it all?

This morning I run around making preparations for the beginning of events. These preparations include buying shitty food from Tesco and putting up my copy of The Sun World Cup 3D wallchart in my apartment. What more should I do?

Sad news comes through today that Nelson Mandela’s great granddaughter was killed in an accident last night so naturally while his family deal with their grief he plays a low profile although his presence looms heavy over proceedings.

At 1PM (UK time) the opening ceremony begins on ITV. It is the expected craziness and a lot of fun in the process provided you remove the cynicism of these people just being puppets. Halfway through proceedings a giant dung beetle walks onto the pitch and it is a truly crazy vision. Then as each of the African nations have a representative belt out a song it all pinnacles with R Kelly pitching up and doing his thing. Trapped In The Closet the football episode. Thankfully it is doesn’t outstay its welcome. All it needs is Diana Ross taking a penalty.

SOUTH AFRICA v MEXICO
The opening match unsurprisingly turns out to be a noisy affair as those fucking horns buzz non-stop sounding as if the game were being played right next to a beehive. It’s cool though, it lends a genuine bass to proceedings and a sense of pulse to the game. After a cringing introduction by the head of FIFA or Africa or something on cue the national anthems get played and the Mexican anthem sounds like it was penned by John Williams and could easily have been on the same album at the E.T. theme. Mexico also come equipped with a Jimmy McNulty lookalike in Franco. Unfortunately by the time it kicks off I find myself all partied (World Cupped) out, even falling asleep towards the end of the first half. Up until that point though buoyed on by the horns South Africa looked really good. When Tshabalala scores for South Africa early in the second half the crowd eruption literally wakes me up. The finish is truly majestic as he pulls away on a glorious break before rifling the ball in the top of the net. Unfortunately despite the tide of play the Mexicans eventually pull back an equalizer as Marquez scores at the far post. Eventually the game ends at a satisfying 1-1 draw beginning the competition in fine fashion.

FRANCE v URUGUAY
Coming fresh from a defeat by China, France do not come into this game the rightful favourites that on paper they should be. The camera keeps showing their Eugene Levy lookalike, the man that is being help responsible for all the French woes. He begins with Anelka leading the charge and Henry on the bench. In the end it is an ugly game. France has the bigger share of possession but never on either side does the finishing touch arrive. Eventually Henry enters the stage but little goes his way. Ten minutes from the end Lodeiro gets sent off for Uruguay. In the end you feel that both teams could have played all night and still fail to score as the game finishes at 0-0. Neither of these teams will win this World Cup.

Thursday 10 June 2010 – 1 DAY TO THE WORLD CUP

Welcome to the Christmas Eve of football.

Today I find myself getting into a strange argument with the people at work over football hooliganism and specifically how England fans are being patted down at the airport today. Are they fucking kidding? There is no way there is going to be any hooligan trouble in South Africa, it is just too far to go. I argue that normal (working class) fans have been priced out of the game. This does not register with the people I am in discussion with.

This evening it is my friend’s birthday which reminds me of how we all forced him to watch England on his big day four years ago despite the fact that he doesn’t like football. Very accommodating. It makes you wonder about people who have their birthdays around this time. Indeed on Saturday I am due to attend a barbecue in Kilburn for a work colleague’s daughter which immediately puts into jeopardy my chances of seeing the England v USA in addition to the first Argentina match. From here there are also three more birthdays coming up including another invitation on Sunday.

At this bash tonight I bump into my friend’s ex-girlfriend who is Danish and suddenly I have my Denmark correspondence. She works for a television company and tells me how she has been translating a lot of football stuff recently. Should we need it she will be my spy on Denmark with the inside gossip.

Tonight I finally get in on some World Cup sweepstakes action as Brendan hits everyone at the birthday party with his list. It is only £2 to enter which feels like small beer but beggars can’t be choosers. Eventually it turns out that I bag Portugal which, while not necessarily looking likely to be a winner, should keep me in the game well into the later stages.

At 11.30PM as I ride the train home drunk trying to avoid eye contact with three jacked up Bon Jovi fans in matching shirts returning home from the O2 I announce on Twitter/Facebook that it is “just half an hour to the World Cup (using the Christmas method)”. Minutes later a drunkard on the train shouts to the carriage “anyone here collect Panini World Cup stickers?” I get the joke but I don’t think the guy is funny.

When the actual hour finally arrives nothing feels like it has changed. Tomorrow we will run faster.

Wednesday 9 June 2010 – 2 DAYS TO THE WORLD CUP

With only a couple of days left before the big kick off now people appear to be resoundingly disillusioned with regards to the capability of the England squad. It was never any secret that there wasn’t much strength in depth and their campaign was always going to be reliant on the performance of such backbone players as Rooney but now people are becoming vocally edgy.

Thankfully other than this today we manage to go a whole day without any bad news emerging from South Africa. Indeed it would seem now that most other fancied nations are experiencing various injury crisis of their own.

Tonight I head down to the Soho Theatre for the opening night of the new play Dandy In The Underworld based on the Sebastian Horsley book. I don’t think there is much I could do in London to get as far removed from the World Cup at this time.

Elsewhere the final series of Big Brother begins tonight and the latest group of gaggling divs enters the house in the hope of winning stardom. The beginning of this at this time proves that reality TV waits for no one as it will now serve to prove a horrible clash with the football. Even the Junior Apprentice finale appears to have been brought forward in order not to clash with the football. Is there really such a gulf between football supporters and reality TV fans? Aren’t they both Russell Brand, Vernon Kay and Dermot O’Leary fairy types? Is not modern man a fan of both strands of entertainment?

I end the evening in happy knowledge that tomorrow is my last day at work for ten days as I have booked the entire week of the World Cup off as holiday leave at work. For the win.

Tuesday 8 June 2010 – 3 DAYS TO THE WORLD

This morning our nation’s press appears to be worried and concerned with the fact that Rooney was booked for swearing during their warm-up game against Platinum Stars yesterday. With this pundits appear fearful of his apparent risky attitude and temperament, many of whom seem to feel that this is destined to end in tears and his eventual dismissal at a pivotal point.

In the real world Portugal played their final warm up game against Mozambique and eventually run out 3-0 winners with all the goals coming in the second half including two from Hugo Almeida.

Elsewhere many people’s favourites Spain romp home to a 6-0 win over Poland with six individual players scoring the goals including Villa, Alonso, Fabregas and Torres. This truly is the form that is going to win them the tournament.

Monday 7 June 2010 – 4 DAYS TO THE WORLD CUP

This morning all World Cup news is pointed towards some crowd trouble in that occurred during a match between Nigeria and North Korea. It wasn’t your traditional crowd trouble more a surge born out of poverty but it was a risk to health and safety no less. Surely though this was always to be expected by FIFA staging the finals in such a potentially incendiary country.

Today the only game is Tanzania v Brazil who run out 5-1 victors with two goals a piece for Robinho and Ramires in addition to Kaka scoring the other. Beating Tanzania is never really going to reveal a whole lot about a team’s form but from a Brazilian perspective they are at least hitting the net.

Tonight I find myself heading to Wembley Arena where the Harlem Globetrotters are playing the Washington Generals in an exhibition match as part of their European tour. This is sports taken to the pinnacle of entertainment. The athletes on show tonight are truly amazing specimens. Obviously I get drunk and my most drunken moment happens to coincide with the sight of the Globetrotters mascot Globie doing the moonwalk in the centre of the court. At this point I am probably in fits of laughter unbefitting my 33 year old frame.

I wonder if this is a glimpse into what the spectacle of the World Cup may be like. Prior to the Globetrotters taking to the court the Washington Generals manager grabs the opportunity to the take the mike and trash talk his English audience, ripping on the injury to Rio Ferdinand and generally exhibiting American bravado with regards to Saturday’s game with the USA. This is not welcome stuff. This however is perhaps a timely glimpse into the competitive mentality of the Americans, of a mindset our football team may be facing this weekend.

As the match begins the Globetrotters run the show never really allowing the Generals into the game. To contend with their apparent weakness at various points during the game the Washington Generals manager returns to the court and hypnotises various Globetrotter players using a specialised umbrella. Now that is one tactic that Capello should perhaps consider employing. This guy in charge is a true visionary.

Or perhaps he is not as the Globetrotters eventually trot out 87-65 victors. Some might say their horseplay equates to cheating but they get the result regardless, which is I guess a mentality the England team would do well to tap into.

Exiting Wembley Arena I look up at Wembley Stadium itself to an enormous billboard of Capello looking down on his adopted nation. I truly hope he was taking notes.

Sunday 6 June 2010 – 5 DAYS TO THE WORLD CUP

Touch wood I reach midday of this fine Sunday morning with no negative stories regarding the World Cup. Nobody has been injured or dropped down dead in the last twelve hours so all is well it seems.

After a lengthy day yesterday I awaken at 10.15AM to the sight of Peter Shilton on The Big Questions in essence talking about football as religion. He is sat next to a fully robed Muslim and this ain’t pretty or blatantly going to end well. Thankfully/fortunately the TV studio breaks down and they have to cut the broadcast short.

On the pitch today Nigeria play a friendly against North Korea and run out 3-1 victors. In the competition Nigeria will be playing South Korea which equates to this game being something of a “they all look the same to me” type encounter. It really feels like a cynically arranged fixture in comedy style. Amongst the Nigerian scorers is Yakubu as Cha gets sent off for North Korea through a second yellow card. Who gets sent off in a friendly? The group of death beware.

Yeah right.

Tonight I learn that a friend of mine is moving to Australia for a year. It would appear that England is just too much for him, doing his head in under this new trite Con-Dem government. By the time he is in Oz it is quite possible that England may be facing Australia in the first round. He could be our spy.

Saturday 5 June 2010 – 6 DAYS TO THE WORLD CUP

With one week now until England’s first game against the USA people are flapping somewhat regarding the reality of the absence of Rio Ferdinand. To be honest though he hasn’t be the Rio Ferdinand of old for a long time now. This season for me Michael Dawson has been genuinely fantastic for Tottenham and his addition to the England squad is a solid one.

Elsewhere news then filters through that John Obi Mikel is now out of the Nigeria squad. Chelsea players are quite literally dropping like flies.

The Guardian has its GUIDE TO THE WORLD CUP today and unsurprisingly it is top notch and probably the best guide to the competition that I will likely see. That said I haven’t seen the News Of The World equivalent yet.

Today there is a genuine plethora of friendly matches on this the final Saturday before the competition begins on Friday.

From the England group (Group C) Algeria score a 1-0 victory over the United Arab Emirates through a penalty in the 51st minute from Ziani. The victory hardly sounds resounding, hardly suggests the team will be much of an issue when England have to face them in their second game.

Elsewhere from England’s group the USA pull of a much more impressive performance by beating Australia 3-1 through two goals from Buddle and an injury time third from the impressively named Hercules Gomez. Former Millwall star Tim Cahill scored an equalizer for Australia before the Americans sealed the deal. With Australia being the Group D there is a slightly possibility that this could be a fixture in the first round of the knockout stages, should results not go to expectations.

Also from Group D, Ghana scores a 1-0 victory over Latvia via an 89th minute goal from Owusu-Abeyie which suggests the Africans made a meal of not necessarily the most difficult of opponents. Surely cause for concern at their end.

Another team not looking too good against non-qualifiers are Honduras who go down 3-0 to Romania. Additionally also from Group H Switzerland register a 1-1 draw against the faltering Italians which suggests neither side will be flourishing in South Africa.

As to South Africa they register a seemingly impressive 1-0 victory over Denmark as Mphela scores the winner in the 75th minute. With this fixture Denmark were probably trying to get a feel for playing against African opponents in preparation for their Group E fixture against Cameroon who themselves went down 4-3 against Serbia despite twice taking the lead. For Cameroon Webo scores a brace while Choupo-Moting scored their third as Krasic, Stankovic, Milijas (a penalty) and Pantelic scored all the goals for Serbia in the first half.

Looking devastating from Group E were the Netherlands who ran out 6-1 victors over Hungary with a second half five goal rout after actually falling behind after six minutes. Van Persie scored in the first half before Sneijder, Robben (twice), Van Bommel and Elia grabbed the remainder in the second half. On this form the Dutch will be a match for anyone at the finals.

Elsewhere from Group F Slovakia registered a comfortable 3-0 win over Costa Rica through a Costa Rican own goal followed by contributions from Vittek and Sestak.

With today being my final free weekend before the World Cup I take the opportunity to head to London and indulge in some final culture before football melts my brain. The first event I hop to is a matinee of the Daniel Kitson one-man show 66A Church Road at the New Players Theatre. As an amazing stand-up with shows that tend to carry a theme/narrative the move to theatre is a natural one for Kitson who performs an ode to his old flat in Crystal Palace, his warmest home and the longest relationship he has held. After the show I head to the BFI for a preview screening of Greenberg starring Ben Stiller which turns out to be like the Steve Carell character from Little Miss Sunshine doing Garden State via Mumblecore. It’s a tremendous movie that serves to celebrate dysfunction in a celebratory manner. After this I fly back to Colchester to attend the Dead Air event at Slackspace. When I arrive there is a video piece playing out from Kelvin And Crease, which reminds me of Nigel Buckland and the great lost late night show Vids. After this Big In Albania puts in another great video set mashing up all sorts of exploits sampling amongst other things Zardoz, the Miami Vice theme and Big Black while various military visuals play out in the background. The night ends with a headline set from former Warp Records artist John Callaghan who turns in another crazy electronic clown set that creates much suffrage and amusement before climaxing with a spot on take of Bono turning “Where The Streets Have No Name” into “When I’m Cleaning Windows”. Now you come to think of it, it was obvious all along.

By this point my iPhone has long since died and as I head home the day has been long and I am exhausted. Will the World Cup be this hard on me?

Friday 4 June 2010 – 7 DAYS TO THE WORLD CUP

Things appeared to be going swimmingly today as all signs point towards the World Cup now just being one short week away. This is to be my summer vacation.

Then tragedy. Apparently. In their friendly with Japan last night it would appear that Didier Drogba has broken his arm as the Ivory Coast score a 2-0 win.

Elsewhere another shock occurs as France lose 1-0 to China. This can only serve to lap more pressure onto manager Raymond Domenech who it would appear has long lost the dressing room.

Of interest for England their group opponents Slovenia score a 3-1 victory over fellow qualifiers New Zealand (Group F) with all the goals coming in the first half and Novakovic scoring a brace in the process.

Completing today’s results is a 0-0 draw between non-qualifiers Luxembourg and the Faroe Islands. Bless.

On the tube home tonight I spot a man in a Marseille shirt perving on a girl in our carriage. This is unsporting behaviour of Thierry Henry proportions. Bloody French.

Thursday 3 June 2010 – 8 DAYS TO THE WORLD CUP

Wisely today I manage to avoid downloading anymore dodgy World Cup excel spreadsheets and losing all my work in the process. For the win!

In action today Germany score a 3-1 victory over Bosnia-Herzegovina suggesting that there is life in the old dog yet as Low brings in fresh blood and youngsters. After heading in 1-0 down at halftime they come back in the second period with an equalizer from Lahm and two penalties from Schweinsteiger.

Elsewhere Spain continue/maintain their incredible undefeated streak by beating South Korea 1-0 through a late winner from Jesus Navas. It’s just the way they roll.

The other fixture sees Italy slump to yet another defeat, this time at the hands of fellow qualifiers Mexico as they run out 2-1 winners through goals from Vela and Alberto Medina in an ill tempered match that sees eight bookings in a friendly. Where’s the sporting spirit?

This evening I find myself heading to Lords and changing sport as I watch the 20/20 encounter between Middlesex and Sussex.

The gulf between cricket and football is both an obvious and subtle one. Stepping into Lords there is the minimum of tension or security checks. As I head to the stand the powers that be are handing out flags, these are corporate branded promo items that sensibly wouldn’t be seen dead at any self respecting football ground.

20/20 is a strange invention, a laboured attempt/effort at making cricket more like baseball so that the clubs can host late night matches in front of bored businessmen bowling up after a day at the office with a beer in one hand and hot dog in the other.

I have to admit I thoroughly enjoy the experience, checking out Lords and sitting back while grown adults in pyjamas smack a ball all around the ground (Middlesex look particular infantile in pink uniforms although I think this is tied into some kind of breast cancer campaign. As things begin to slow down on the field a Mexican wave envelopes the crowd. In the end Sussex win and with the evening still light we all trudge off to St Johns Wood tube station and back to our homes.

Wednesday 2 June 2010 – 9 DAYS TO THE WORLD CUP

Last night I had a dream that Capello left Rooney out of the England squad. Needless to say the response is naturally interesting.

Today the NME published its alternative guide to the World Cup. On the cover of the publication it places Russell Brand arm in arm with Serge from Kasabian. There is so much wrong with this scenario, where to begin.

Music and football aren’t really easy bedfellows. Music has always tried to be masculine, to be alpha male but it is just of a different mindset and mentality to football. A gig crowd and a music crowd have traditionally been two very different sets of individuals and realistically that is how it should be although in recent years (the Sky era) the lines have become blurred.

In Brand and Serge here are two people you feel are jumping on the bandwagon. For the longest time Brand has professed to be a West Ham regular (earning his stripes) but realistically it is not a team/club you should be getting so passionate about. Pretty boys should not be taking such roles in football, the role being representative of a club’s fanbase. The scourge that was West Ham when they played Millwall in the crap cup at the beginning of the season brings things almost polar of what today’s music magazine is trying to present as what is football.

The Kasabian thing is even more sickening. For some reason this piece shit of band are who Umbro chose to unveil the new England strip with. They unveiled it during the encore of a gig for the band in Paris. Paris, France! This Serge guy, he is Italian and yet he was happy to take the pound (and sell out his country) to promote the shirt (although to his credit he did not wear one). The singer however happily mugged for any camera in his new red England shirt despite years ago declaring his allegiance for Ireland. This truly is a confused state of affairs. This is something that should be nowhere near football culture.

Pele wept.

Tuesday 1 June 2010 – 10 DAYS TO THE WORLD CUP

With ten days to go now four warm-up matches took place today featuring seven of the finalists in the competition.

The highest scoring match occurred between Holland and Ghana where the Dutch ran out 4-1 victors. Amongst the scorers were Kuyt and Van Persie in a game that should prove a useful tester against an African team for the Netherlands who will have to face Cameroon in Group E.

Cameroon themselves played against Portugal who ran out 3-1 winners after Eto’o was sent off, which Nani scoring for the Portuguese. Since the African Cup Of Nations people have been expressing more and more scepticism towards the African teams after initially thinking that this might be the competition where a nation from the continent would finally break out and potentially win the tournament.

Elsewhere from Group E Denmark today lost 1-0 to Australia with the winner coming from Kennedy and Switzerland (from Group H) also found themselves on the wrong end of a 1-0 score line, losing to non-qualifiers Costa Rica. This does not bode well for the Swiss.

USA

THEY ARE:
The United States Of America the most arrogant and loudmouthed group of individuals on/in the entire world. I have a downer on America due to the fact that my most recent dealings with people from the place were not necessarily good ones.

AS A FOOTBALL NATION:
The belief is that Americans consider football a girl’s sport. They also call it “soccer”. The NASL represents a very exciting period in football history and they definitely made a good job of the World Cup in 1994. Off the back of hosting that tournament they created the MLS which has impressively survived although not necessarily set the US sporting world on fire. These days it can often feel like something of a retirement home for European players looking for a pension pay off. Negativity aside this is their sixth finals appearance in a row as American players have gradually upped their abilities to the point their top players are now playing at top levels (including the Premier League).

MY OWN EXPERIENCE:
I fell in love with US soccer back in 1988 when ITV would screen games from the MISL (Major Indoor Soccer League) in the early hours of Sunday mornings. Teams such as the Chicago Sting, Tacoma Stars, San Diego Sockers, Los Angeles Lazers really did appear to represent the future of football. From here I discovered the NASL but also discovered that the league was long gone. Gradually my interest in the nation as a footballing power paid off as players such as John Harkes and Kasey Keller came to the English league.

IN 2010:
After being defeated finalists in the Confederations Cup (whatever that is) typically the Yanks now fancy themselves as a genuine threat as a footballing nation. This is something that has yet to be displayed or established. That said they were the last team to inflict a defeat on Spain.

FAMOUS PLAYERS:
Alexei Lalas and Kobi Jones are famous for their stupid hair. Kasey Keller is famous for having a mullet one day and being balding the next. Being a nation so obsessed with sports that uses their hands their most famous players tend to be goalkeepers in Tim Howard and Sylvester Stallone in Escape To Victory.

MOST OBVIOUS REFERENCE:
Their world dominance. And Hollywood.

AWAY FROM FOOTBALL:
On many levels they are loved and hated. Barack Obama has proved a handy PR exercise as he appears to set about putting right the wrongs of his predecessor George W. Bush.

NUMBER OF PEOPLE FROM THE USA THAT I KNOW:
Too many.

QUOTE FROM AN AMERICAN:
Coming.

DO I LIKE THEM:
Being in the same group as England I naturally hate them. Once we are out of the group stage, should they remain in the competition I will probably be on their side.

FINAL COMMENT:
Enough already.

URUGUAY

THEY ARE:
Uruguay is a country in South American which is now sadly best known for their mention in The Simpsons where Homer Simpson looks at a globe and comments “look at the name of this country: U R Gay”

AS A FOOTBALL NATION:
With Manchester City-esqe kits Uruguay these days are something of the South American also rans, the poor relatives of Brazil and Argentina despite the fact that they won the first ever World Cup back in 1930. They then won the tournament again in 1950. They only just qualified for this tournament by beating Costa Rica over two legs in a play off after finishing only fifth in the South American qualification group.

MY OWN EXPERIENCE:
The first World Cup I ever watched was the 1986 tournament in Mexico and at the time I was a big fan of Denmark (especially Jan Molby) and Uruguay were in the same group as them, West Germany and Scotland which was that tournament’s “Group Of Death.” Famously against Scotland they had Jose Batista sent off after 56 seconds (a World Cup record that remains today) and then against Denmark they found themselves on the receiving end of a 6-1 defeat, a game that I watched over and over on the VHS tape it was on (and I still have).

IN 2010:
Having not qualified confidently they seem doomed to only get in the way although Group A isn’t necessarily the strongest in the tournament.

FAMOUS PLAYERS:
These days it is Diego Forlan but back in the day it was Enzo Francescoli.

MOST OBVIOUS REFERENCE:
Telecommunications.

AWAY FROM FOOTBALL:
Known for battling for independence.

NUMBER OF PEOPLE FROM URUGUAY THAT I KNOW:
None.

QUOTE FROM A URUGUAYIAN:
Not coming.

DO I LIKE THEM:
They’re usually tasty.

FINAL COMMENT:
Need to know.

SWITZERLAND

THEY ARE:
An incredibly healthy and wealthy country with beautiful countryside providing something of a tax haven. The shape of Toblerone chocolate is designed to replicate the mountains of the alps. In The Sound Of Music Switzerland is where the Von Trapps flee to. These days Phil Collins has fled there as a tax haven. Poor Switzerland.

AS A FOOTBALL NATION:
They can cause the occasional nuisance but not necessarily by design. Famously they exited the 2006 World Cup without conceding a goal. They got game. Switzerland was actually the host nation back in 1954 which was the first televised finals.

MY OWN EXPERIENCE:
They were managed by Roy Hodgson at the 1994 finals in America where they made history by playing in the first ever indoors game against the USA inside the Pontiac Silverdome. At the 2004 European Championships England and Switzerland were drawn in the same group and when they played each other England comfortably won 3-0.

IN 2010:
There route to the finals was a relatively easy one (the perks of a high FIFA ranking). Comfortably they topped Group 2 which consisted of Greece, Latvia, Israel, Luxembourg and Moldova. Being drawn in the same group (Group H) as Spain is always going to be less than ideal. With the group being padded out with Honduras and Chile though they sport a more than decent chance of getting through the group stage.

FAMOUS PLAYERS:
It currently is Philippe Senderos of Arsenal.

MOST OBVIOUS REFERENCE:
Swiss army penknives, Swiss cheese and Swiss bank accounts. Also Toblerone.

AWAY FROM FOOTBALL:
The International Red Cross is based in Geneva. Its most famous “literary creation” is Heidi. FIFA is also based in Switzerland, you have to keep things neutral.

NUMBER OF PEOPLE FROM SWITZERLAND THAT I KNOW:
None.

QUOTE FROM A SWISS PERSON:
Not likely.

DO I LIKE THEM:
When we don’t have to play them.

FINAL COMMENT:
I love Toblerone.

SPAIN

THEY ARE:
Widely regarded as the most pleasant country on the European continent. Every year millions of people flock to their resorts to make the most of the best things in life (on a budget).

AS A FOOTBALL NATION:
Spain have always had a pretty national team but never really quite reached the heights of France or Italy. In Barcelona and Real Madrid they have two of the strongest clubs in the world and as a result one of the most popular domestic leagues on the globe. Spain come fresh (relatively) from winning the 2008 European Championships where they beat Germany in the final with a goal from David Villa.

MY OWN EXPERIENCE:
I will never forget them demolishing an amazing Danish side at Mexico 86. Ever since they have been a regular presence in tournament finals without necessarily causing too much of a commotion until now. This is probably their best lineup of my generation and my gut instinct is that they are best avoided. Back in 1990 I was on holiday in Mallorca and remember having the greatest time watching their game against Uruguay with the locals. Their passion was friendly and infectious.

IN 2010:
Many people fancy Spain to go all the way this year. Indeed the partnership of Villa and Torres is probably the best striking unit in the competition. They enter the tournament with a record of just one defeat in their last forty eight matches (at the hands of the USA). And after winning the last European Championships people expect them to continue such form in this competition making them one of the definite favourites for the tournament.

FAMOUS PLAYERS:
Emilio Butragueno was their star when I first encountered them. He had the nickname “El Buitre” (“The Vulture”). Also in the team was the infamous Victor who appeared to be lacking a neck. Later came Salinas and Hierro. Their all time top scorer is Raul and their team is currently flooded with talent with the likes of Cesc Fabregas, David Villa, Fernando Torres and Xabi Alonso.

MOST OBVIOUS REFERENCE:
Straw donkeys.

AWAY FROM FOOTBALL:
The current thing appears to be the Primavera Festival which is considered by many to be the best music festival in Europe. An unfortunate economic dark cloud appears to be looming in the distance on Spain.

NUMBER OF PEOPLE FROM SPAIN THAT I KNOW:
Currently one and ironically she is married to a South African – perfect for this tournament.

QUOTE FROM A SPANIARD:
I’ll try but she does not like football.

DO I LIKE THEM:
I don’t dislike them. If England have to go up against them I will be worried. As a casual observer I will be able to enjoy their games and no doubt the goals of Torres and Villa but as a threat they are too dangerous to trust.

FINAL COMMENT:
I experience pain and discomfort every time I see Alonso on screen because he looks like somebody from my past I really dislike.

SOUTH KOREA

THEY ARE:
The positive side of Korea, the ones playing in red (which is strange considering the communist connotations of their poor relations/neighbours). Unlike their neighbours they are quite an Americanized nation.

AS A FOOTBALL NATION:
They are regular qualifiers for World Cups and in 2002 they made a fine job of co-hosting the event with Japan. Amazingly they made it to the semi finals of the 2002 tournament disposing of both Italy and Spain along the way. Eventually they went out to Germany and finished fourth in the tournament but they were a genuine breath of fresh air that you tend to hope will happen each year. The feat was a once in a lifetime achievement.

MY OWN EXPERIENCE:
South Korea is one of those cuddly footballing nations that it is fun to root for and in 2002 you began to wonder when the joke was going to end. Again this year I am likely to be on their side whenever they play.

IN 2010:
Situated in Group B they have the much fancied Argentina to deal with but elsewhere in the group they stand more than a fighting against Nigeria and Greece who are a couple of inconsistent teams to say the least.

FAMOUS PLAYERS:
Their current captain Park Ji-Sung is an understated star at Manchester United, a player it seems almost impossible to dislike.

MOST OBVIOUS REFERENCE:
These days it seems to be great horror movies. At one time it was eating dogs.

AWAY FROM FOOTBALL:
South Korea tends to be the West’s favourite Asian nation after Japan. Amazing movies such as Oldboy, Sympathy For Lady Vengeance and The Host make South Korea seem a very exciting, interesting and vibrant place to be.

NUMBER OF PEOPLE FROM SOUTH KOREA THAT I KNOW:
Just over two years ago I found myself working with a lady from South Korea as part of our team. She was a fierce lady that appeared to hate me which was a shame because I had a lot of time for her. Additionally a year or so before that I once went on a date with a Korean lady called Jay who claimed to be a distant relative of Sun from Lost. Currently I have a friend called Swapna who is out in South Korea teaching English and having an amazing time.

QUOTE FROM A SOUTH KOREAN:
Not coming.

DO I LIKE THEM:
Yes I do.

FINAL COMMENT:
This one is for Margaret Cho and Lee Young Ae.

Thursday 6 May 2010 – 36 DAYS TO THE WORLD CUP

This is the big one, Election Day. At a time such as this the country really needs a Capello type figure out front but instead we get Brown, Cameron and Clegg. These are not alpha males. Some of them are not even Englishmen. Football and politics do not mix (anyone remember Colin Moynihan?) and I hope the winner of this pissing contest remembers this when the World Cup arrives this summer.

Myself, today I am going on a date. Usually these things tend to end in tears but this time this one appears keener than usual. She and I have already discussed football on the phone and I think we have an understanding regarding the World Cup. I think so. On the outset of things it all goes well.

Back to the election as the coverage is pretty good with Rod Liddle appearing on the Come Dine With Me special on Channel Four (Liddle being a fellow Millwall supporter). By this point however with the exit polls pointing towards the inevitable Cameron victory I soon find myself falling asleep. Dark times.

In the real world (the football world) two friendly matches were played today as Argentina took on Haiti and beat them 4-0 with debutant Facundo Bertoglio scoring a brace either side of halftime. Just what this actually says of the team is open to debate.

The other game saw Chile defeat Trinidad And Tobago 2-0 which equally fails to shed much light on the prospects of Chile with their Group H campaign although it may give them some idea as what to expect from Honduras.

SOUTH AFRICA

THEY ARE:
Possessing something of a checkered history, South Africa is the reformed nation of the world (with lots of effort from Mandela) who hosts this competition with a sense of the being rewarded.

AS A FOOTBALL NATION:
After having no official team during the apartheid years once back up and running they took no time in qualifying for the World Cup qualifying for the competitions in 1998 and 2002.

MY OWN EXPERIENCE:
Years ago Gary Bailey of Manchester United played a match for the Kaizer Chiefs which was perhaps the first time I ever saw a football from Africa. Over the years various players have made it to the Premier League including Benni McCarthy and Quinton Fortune although the team has never really achieved a status much above making up the numbers. This year things should change though.

IN 2010:
With the horns of a nation behind them and not necessarily the toughest group (Group A) they stand a more than fighting chance of progressing to the knock out rounds for the first time.

FAMOUS PLAYERS:
Benni McCarthy and Quinton Fortune.

MOST OBVIOUS REFERENCE:
Nelson Mandela.

AWAY FROM FOOTBALL:
They also have a famous rugby team that was captained by Matt Damon and coached by Morgan Freeman. That and a history of racism.

NUMBER OF PEOPLE FROM SOUTH AFRICAN THAT I KNOW:
Two – Carol and Bob.

QUOTE FROM A SOUTH AFRICAN:
Coming.

DO I LIKE THEM:
I have to concede to have had issues with South African people in the past. As a result I know how to say “fuck off” and “I will kick your arse” in their native tongue. Even worse though I purposely mix them up with Australians.

FINAL COMMENT:
This is going to be a great World Cup thanks to South African and not Coca Cola branding etc.

SLOVENIA

THEY ARE:
They gained independence from Yugoslavia in 1991, gaining recognition in 1992.

AS A FOOTBALL NATION:
This is only the second time that they have qualified for the World Cup finals with the other time being in 2002 at the Japan/South Korea finals. They are another of the new footballing sides that have never won a game at the World Cup finals.

MY OWN EXPERIENCE:
Traditionally Slovenia have been one of those Eastern European teams that sit in qualification groups to be beaten 5-0 by the big nations and provide small victories for the smaller nations. Times they have a changed though.

IN 2010:
They are grouped with England, Algeria and the USA. This could well prove something of a deceptive group. In qualification they were runners up in Group 3 behind Slovakia before causing a shock by eliminating Russia on away goals in a bad tempered second leg in Russia.

FAMOUS PLAYERS:
Midfielder Robert Koren is at West Bromwich Albion (but has been released).

MOST OBVIOUS REFERENCE:
Their cuisine.

AWAY FROM FOOTBALL:
I read that their dish Butja Repa is made from lard and a pig’s head. Be afraid, be very afraid.

NUMBER OF PEOPLE FROM SLOVENIA THAT I KNOW:
Quite possibly I work with one or two.

QUOTE FROM A SLOVENIAN:
Not likely.

DO I LIKE THEM:
I will not be siding with them when they play against England in Group C.

FINAL COMMENT:
They play in green so may well turn out to be something good.